I’m changing.. Slowly but surely.

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

I’ve been thinking for a while about myself and how I should reward myself because I feel like I have forgot about my own self so why not be selfish for once? I was thinking and then I finally came up with it. My weight.

During my whole childhood I’ve been the skinny girl everyone teased. Basically everyone around me was commenting on my body, it never affected me because I was just a kid that lived in her own world. But then I moved to London and everything changed. I was sad and depressed, I left my comfort zone, I missed my friends. I had just started in a new school, new language, everything new. So what did I do? I turned to food for comfort and it was definitely comforting me.. In that moment.

When I moved back to the country I left, I still ate. I became obsessed with food, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I didn’t care about how I looked, I just kept on eating. When I turned 15 years old, the pressure came. Suddenly I opened my eyes and I saw that everyone around me had a nice body with a slim stomach. Me? Well.. Not a good look. So I started becoming insecure about myself. A lot.. But I didn’t change my eating habits, I wasn’t ready. Food was my comfort zone, I turned to food when I was happy, sad or angry. food was always there. It never left. Now.. I’m 20 years old and I’m even more insecure. I watch weight loss videos over and over again. Yet.. Still no change. But to tell the truth.. I’m not ready. I’m not ready to let go of something that has been such a big part of my life.

So.. When I started to think about, how can I reward myself? I thought about.. Why not change? Why not change for the better? Why not become a better version of myself? Why not strive harder? Why not become a woman with a beautiful heart? Why not become a woman with ambition, with passion and with confidence? I deserve it. I deserve to become a better me. Losing weight is not so much about the psychical.. It’s about the mental.

But am I ready? To take such a big step?

Why not? We all have to start somewhere and I feel like now it’s the right time. I just pray that Allah will make it easy for me and replace my addiction to food with something that will draw me closer to Allah.. Ameen.

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